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Dark Psychology Hacks for Establishing Dominance at Your Niece’s Baptism
Anyone can attend a baptism. But commanding presence—that’s a science. While your family shows up to celebrate spiritual rebirth, you’re here for psychological ascension. The modern man must know how to bend social energy, disrupt attention patterns, and project effortless authority—even when standing next to a baby in a frilly bonnet. 1. Dress to Disrupt…
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Spotlight
Psychic Blindsided by IRS Audit
CINCINNATI, OH — Local clairvoyant and former small-business owner Madame Celeste expressed shock this week after receiving notice of an IRS audit, calling the event “completely unexpected.” Celeste,…
New Platinum National Park Pass Includes Unlimited Moving Sidewalks
In a bold push toward modernization, the U.S. Department of the Interior has unveiled its new Platinum National Park Pass, a premium-tier access program that includes—among other amenities—unlimited…
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Explore
This ‘Smart Toilet’ Will Screen You For 107 Disease Markers and Update Your Healthcare Premiums in Real Time
Medical startup Neuraloo has unveiled the ExcreScan™ — a sleek, Wi-Fi–enabled smart toilet capable of analyzing waste for over 100 disease markers…
Woman with 80-Hour Work Week Regrets Forgetting to Manifest Abundance
TOLEDO, OH — Local food service professional and night cashier Rachel Moreno, 34, reportedly admitted Thursday that her ongoing financial hardship may…
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Secular Humanist Family Dispenses Copies of ‘The God Delusion’ in Lieu of Candy
BOULDER, CO — Saying they “refuse to perpetuate irrational belief systems,” local residents Greg and Linda Rowe placed a large bowl of…
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