Medical startup Neuraloo has unveiled the ExcreScan™ — a sleek, Wi-Fi–enabled smart toilet capable of analyzing waste for over 100 disease markers while seamlessly syncing health risk data to your medical insurance provider. “Early detection is critical,” said BioSentry CEO Travis Neel, “but actuarial accuracy is even more critical. That’s why we’ve prioritized real-time premium […]
Healthcare
Proctologist Running Out of Places to Look for Missing Wedding Ring
CLEVELAND, OH — Local proctologist Dr. Martin Kelner has reportedly exhausted “every reasonable option” in his search for a missing wedding ring that vanished sometime between appointments Tuesday morning. Kelner told reporters he began by checking the sink drain, glove boxes, and laundry pockets before moving on to less likely spots such as the centrifuge, […]